Wow – what a show. Let me start off my writing how very wrong I was about this show. I have been telling everyone for weeks how predictable this show was going to be…how wrong I was For the first time in a long time, we had some major surprises in some major categories – sometimes lovely surprises, sometimes disappointing.
Also for the first time since I can remember, we did not host an Oscar party this year. After hosting Oscar night parties for the past ten years in locales as diverse as Carlisle, PA and Washington, DC, this year James and I watched the big show solo from our lovely apartment in New Haven. Nice, but I think I prefer to have some peeps over to celebrate the big night and get bitchy with us.
Anyway, on to the show. Per my usual, we’ll cover the show first and then the fashion. Holla.
The Show
First of all, let’s discuss Ellen. I thought she was GREAT. Her opening was typical Ellen humor, which definitely worked for the event in my opinion. Her velvet maroon suit with white shoes (WAY pre-Memorial Day, I might add) was DIE-sgusting, but whatever. No “ANTM” (America’s Next Top Model, for those of you are straight men and/or over 32) for Ellen, but hopefully a return engagement for future telecasts.
Overall, I have to say that I enjoyed some of the new additions to the show. I really liked how they started by having all of the nominees stand – I enjoyed watching the nominees cross aisles to congratulate each other. It seemed oddly genuine for Hollywood. Other new additions to the show that I liked included the dancers that worked behind a screen to form silhouettes of an Oscar and “Happy Feet” penguins, and the original song number by Will Ferrell (btw…“Stranger than Fiction” was hella good), Jack Black, and John C. Reilly.
What didn’t I like? Well, there were the usual miscellaneous clip packages that clogged up the show. One program claims there were 45 minutes of clips packages…ridiculous. Also, why they had Celine on to sing a song that’s not even from a movie was beyond me. The show reminds me of a quote that my cashier at Shaw’s Supermarket said a couple of weeks ago to the woman in front of me in line…“Take your time….but hurry up.” This from the same 60+ year old woman that told me she was excited to watch the Super Bowl so that she could “watch me some hot ass.” Awesome.
Anyway, we finally got to an award that I actually cared about, we had our first big surprise of the evening. You see, Best Supporting Actor was supposed to go to Eddie Murphy. Everyone has been talking about how this award has been his to lose since December. Well, lose he did - to Alan Arkin, from “Little Miss Sunshine (hereby referred to as “LMS”).” Alan Arkin? Just five weeks ago, I gave him the 5th most likely chance of winning the award….out of five nominees. What happened? Two things….first of all, it looks like releasing “Norbit” when the ballots were still out may have been good for box office, but not so good for Oscar. I’d say, “maybe next year, Eddie,” but sadly this was probably his only shot. Second of all, “LMS” has been doing nothing except gaining steam since December, while “Dreamgirls” hit its high on premiere night. Personally, I was gunning for Djimon Hounsou. Whatev – the surprise was fun.
Several more awards later (what was the “wo”man who accepted Best Costume Design wearing? Yeesh!) we finally made it the next notable surprise. Unfortunately, this time, the surprise sucked because it was in the Best Foreign Film category. After two lesser wins for “Pan’s Labyrinth” it seemed unstoppable. Unfortunately, some German movie that I’d never heard of until last week somehow beat it. Scheisse! Maybe the German movie was good, but there’s NO WAY it was “Pan’s Labyrinth” good. Germans ruin everything….
So now with two surprises under its belt, we came to the Best Supporting Actress category. And I am telling you, this one has had Jennifer Hudson’s name written on it since she was cast as Effie a year ago. It’s no secret that I’ve been pulling for her as well, however I was definitely concerned that one of the Babel biotches or maybe little Abigail Breslin might slip in there. Luckily for all of us, Ms. Hudson is now Academy Award Winner Jennifer Hudson. Her speech was one of genuine surprise (maybe she was feeling the heat from all the surprises too?), which may be why she pulled a Kelly Clarkson and forgot to thank “American Idol” (despite telling Barbara Wawa before the show that she would). She DID, however, get out a last second shout out to Jennifer Holliday, who originated the role of Effie on Broadway 20 years ago.
Best documentary – “An Inconvenient Truth” won. Sadly, I didn’t see any of the nominees this year, though I would like to catch both the winner and “Jesus Camp,” a film that flirts with the concept of the evangelical brainwashing of our youth. Interesting concept indeed. I was also psyched for Melissa Etheridge’s win for “I Need to Wake Up,” her original song from “An Inconvenient Truth.”
7 hours later, we finally had another award. Ooh – interesting debate topic. During the annual “In Memoriam” clip package of Hollywood folks who have passed away this year, do you think Anna Nicole Smith should have been featured? I vote yes, the Academy voted no. Discuss.
Ok, so the awards. Best Actress to Helen Mirren/Best Actor to Forest Whitaker. The only surprise there was Forest Whitaker’s amazingly coherent speech, after 429 “ums” and 583 “you know’s” during his Golden Globes speech.
Best Director? Martin Scorsese for “The Departed.” Look – the guy is a great director, or at least WAS a great director. I’ll agree that he should have one an award a long time ago…like 30 years ago. I will NOT agree that he should have won for directing a remake of a film called “Internal Affairs” that was made in Hong Kong in 2002.
Furthermore, I was even more dismayed at “The Departed’s” win for Best Picture. Though not the strongest list of nominees this year (where was “Pan’s Labyrinth?”), I just don’t like that a remake won. Plus I don’t understand Hollywood’s (and my mother’s) fascination with mobster movies. Whatever…move to Staten Island if that’s what you’re looking for….
Enough about the show….time for the fashion!
The Fashion
Look kids – this isn’t easy. I spend all day watching the E! Pre-coverage, follow that with the “official” 2-hour “Live from the Red Carpet” on Oscar night, and then combed through the online pictures all night…all to prove to you that what I’m writing is so well-freakin’ researched that it’s practically fact.
So about that E! coverage…when in the hell are they going to hire Joan and Melissa back? Seriously…with the exception of giving Kathy Griffin a shot at the job (and the firing her for what? Being too funny?), E! continues to bring out its cavalcade of idiots to attempt “serious” interviews with the stars. Seacrest is Ok, but just try and tell me that you prefer him over Joan’s hilariously fumbled attempts at talking to stars. One to def lose for next year is Debbie Matenopoulos. She is disgusting inside and out…her proud admission of never eating, just to look like that, has officially set the women’s lib movement back at least 10 years - something I thought only Ann Coulter was capable of. Thanks Debbie! I hope you’re making 70 cents to every Seacrest dollar.
Enough about the coverage…onto the dresses!
This year’s fashion themes seemed to be weird hair (J Lo, Elisabeth Shue (didn’t know she was still with us, but always love to see her!, Rachel Weisz, Cameron Diaz – I could go on and on), tackily shiny fabric (Jennifer Hudson’s Erin Alderette-fashioned bolero comes to mind, as does Emily Blunt’s 1997 Jack Martins Jetta Blue nightmare). Check out the color on Emily’s, and then just try and tell me it doesn’t remind you of my old car:
**Note - after clicking on the links, please click on the "Back" button on your browser to be brought back to this blog. Thanks!**
Emily's " 97 Blue Jetta" mis-step
Anyway, let’s do some of the best dressed before I move onto the the bitchalicious Worst Dressed ladies.
Best Dressed
Rough year here – VERY few stood out. What we had is basically an extremely mediocre year in my opinion, but I’ll do what I can. As usual, I’ll skip the men and focus solely on the ladies.
Let’s start with Penelope Cruz. Now, I’m not saying that she was a best dressed, but I have to give her props for trying. I’ve heard many differing opinions, from stating that she was best dressed, to hating the stucco swirls on the top but loving the feathers on the bottom, to hating the feathery mess on the bottom and loving the corseted top. My opinion? Loved the bottom, hated the top but it’s grown on me. Check it out for yourself:
Now that we’ve gotten that over with, let’s talk about third best dressed. This year, I’m going with Reese Witherspoon. James doesn’t like her bangs, but I think she is banging in this one. Seems to me that the whole point of this particular number is to say to the world, “Ryan who?” Kudos Reese.
Reese's rrrruffles have rrrrridges
Runner-up in this category has got to be Kate Winslet. Why? Because I love her. Yes, I admit that I’m totally biased here, but I still thought she looked smashing. Loved the color on her – sea green on but ass English white just looks classy (interestingly, the same color also looked good on Beyonce’s slightly overcooked ensemble). The shape, the fit….marvelous!
Will someone PLEASE give this woman an Oscar already?!
Finally, best dressed of the evening. Was it even a contest? As usual, no. I’m not sure how she does it, but once again Cate Blanchett has come shining through with quite an outfit indeed. Let’s face it – neither Kate W. nor Cate B. fit the typical mold of Hollywood beauty, but damn if they both don’t use what they momma gave ‘em better than anyone else. Cate’s one shouldered, metallic, beaded delight was far and away the winner in a very weak night.
Cate shines as the Belle of the Ball
Now onto the fun stuff….Worst Dressed!
As usual, many, many ladies apparently have lost their damn minds this year. I mean, come on…is it THAT hard to just look average instead of idiotic? Seriously folks, though we have no Bjork swan dresses or Uma Thurman lederhosen, we continue to have more misses than even a Fundamentalist Mormon could handle.
Let’s start off with who I WOULD have listed a Worst Dressed. Unfortunately, Kelly Preston’s outfit was so hideous that I couldn’t find a shot of it anywhere on the entire world wide web. Let’s just say that it was freaking leopard print from heads to toe…think of something that only Pizazz of the Misfits (you know, the “evil” band from Jem and the Holograms) might wear. Or maybe a 73 year old widow in Boca who still thinks she’s got it. Seriously, it was the drag to her husband John’s queen. Gross. BUT, since there is no photographic evidence of this fabrically tragical event, Kelly cannot win the honor of Worst Dressed this year.
BREAKING NEWS (3.8.07) - many of you have sent pics of Ms. Preston in her Boca, blue plate special worst. She is now WORST DRESSED!
So who else was in the running? Well, 10 or not, Abigail Breslin’s outfit was a disaster. I’m all for a 10 year old dressing appropriately and not trying to look like an adult. That doesn’t mean I can support this vile Easter basket gone wrong. Seriously, she looks like a waffle with flower barfed all over it. Back to the stylist, Abigail. As for you, readers, no comments on me picking at a 10 year old. No one forced her into show business, save her likely moneygrubbing stage parents. Now, because she’s not even a teenager yet, I will spare her from the top (or is it bottom) three list this time. No guarantees going forward.
Ok, so third worst dressed has got to be Jennifer Hudson. SUCH a disappointment – I mean, we’re talking about the “IT” girl of the night, and she shows up wearing this? Let’s start with the aluminum foil wrapped around her shoulders. Worst accessory at the Oscars since Ellen last brought Anne Heche. STILL hate her, but I digress. Anyway, the rest of the dress was blah. Not a fan of pocketed dresses on the runway, not a fan of poo poo brown anywhere…just a miss from La Hudson. She should have stuck with something more like what she performed in later, or ANY of the outfits she wore at the other 482 awards shows she went to this year.
Jennifer's Gum Wrapper Disaster
Second worst dressed has got to be James’ girl, Anne Hathaway, Regular readers, and/or anyone who has ever talked to James about Anne, will know that he can’t stand her. What I couldn’t stand is this dress. Why, oh why would ANYONE older than 7 or younger than 207 wear a doily in public? Maybe Anne was making her First Communion yesterday or something, though it seems odd to try and do that on Oscar Night. Anywho, had she stopped there I might have been able to ignore it entirely. But. She. Didn’t. Nope – she chose a dress that had a huge clack bow sewn into it. Why? Who the hell knows. Along with some of life’s other great mysteries (How many licks to the center of a tootsie roll pop? Why is “According to Jim” still on TV, and who in their right mind has ever watched it? Will Miss Julianne Moore finally win the Oscar she deserves?), this black bow can only be described a phenomena that knows no answer.
So now to worst dressed. Oh, how the once mighty have fallen Kirsten Dunst. How ironic, that some of our worst dressed lasses (Hathaway, Emily Blunt, and now Dunst) come from the two most fashionable films of the year (“The Devil Wears Prada” and “Marie Antoinette”). Kirsten probably should have snagged something from costuming, rather than pick out this horrendous disaster. NOTHING works on this…not the bib-like top that might as well have a huge red lobster printed on it, nor the color contrasted with her pasty skin tone/bleachy hair/ho red lipstick combo, not the wispy feathering towards the bottom….nothing. Kirsten babe – love ya, but you are the official loser of the night. Better luck next year!
Kirsten's Interview with a Bad Dress
Ok – so that’s all from me. Hope you enjoyed. Ooh – my goal is to keep this going as I catch new movies throughout the year. Stick with me ladies and gents…instead of “see ya next year,” how about “see ya next movie” instead?!
