Welcome back everyone! Last night's ceremony was fantastic - some surprises, lots of red dresses, some touching moments (even for a sarcastic jerk like me!), and even a couple (just a couple, sadly) of dishy fashion disasters to sink our snarky teeth into. Ooh - and let's not forget the near devouring of Laura Linney and Jennifer Garner (to whom I am JUST starting to warm up) by Gary Busey and his size 17 chompers on the E! Red Carpet show. I guess Garner doesn't watch "Celebrity Fit Club," nor has she seen any of the fine, fine films he has been making for the last 20 or so years (um, he actually was in a movie called "The Hand Job," and it was not rated XXX), because she clearly thought he was an insane, blithering idiot who meant her potential harm. Which, he is. Allegedly (to steal from Kathy Griffin).
Before I get started, I know it appears as if I have not posted my latest reviews as I had promised to do between my last post and now. This is not exactly the case, as there has not been a single film out there that has been worth my 12 NY dollars (plus the $1 pre-order fee...one can't expect to just go to the theater in NY and get a ticket from a person any more) since my last post. We have rented three damn good films that never found the audience they deserved, so I suppose I could have written about those at some point. I PROMISE to type those up in the next week or so.
One more "before I get started" - I am actually a published Oscar freak now. I suppose it's good to have friends in high places, as one of our closest NY friends has recently taken the reigns at NEXT Magazine, NY's premier gay weekly. Indeed, the Bij gave me the opportunity to write a quick article that was published just this past week. If you're in NY, you can pick up a copy at your local gay or gay-friendly establishment. Otherwise, check me online here (um, some of the ads in this publication are def NSFW, you have been warned. Also, you'll need to click on the "back" button to get back to my blog):
Ok, enough about me already. As usual, I'll discuss the show first, fashion second. ENJOY!
The Show
Let's chat about the title of this particular entry. No, I am not blogging about the annual Circuit Party held in Miami, though I bet some of the supposedly hetero guys might have preferred to be there than at last night's ceremony (Travolta). Nope, "The White Party" is my personal response to the ad nauseam comment of how "diverse" this year's Oscars supposedly were. Sure, none of the acting winners were American, however they were still all given to shades of white, from the olive-skinned Javier Bardem to the porcelain Tilda Swinton. Of the other winners, we had a white former stripper winning Best Original Screenplay (Diablo Cody, for "Juno"), an array of white nerds winning for sound, sound mixing, special effects, etc. for a variety of films about white people, and white people from Austria winning Best Foreign Film about persecuted white people. Thank goodness that "Freeheld," about a woman who fights NJ state law as she is dying of breast cancer so that her lesbian partner can collect her pension benefits, won for Best Documentary Short or last night could have doubled for the upcoming Republican Convention!
As host Jon Stewart, I thought he did a capable job. His political jokes were expected and yet still somewhat funny, and some of his other stuff was pretty decent too. I particularly enjoyed him ragging on Cate Blanchett for being such a versatile actress and saying that she played one of the pit bulls in "No Country for Old Men" and was actually playing the part of Jon Stewart during the ceremony last night. If I have a complaint (and seriously, when don't I? Try working and/or living with me), it was his need to validate each of the winner's after they left the stage. His "wasn't that a great speech?" and "isn't she a deserving winner?" commentary starting to get a little annoying, as I am very capable of making my own damn opinions.
One area I was admittedly less impressed with was the crowd itself. Yes, it's always fun to see the host as well as the young male stars cower to Jack Nicholson and George Clooney in the front row. I also enjoyed the somewhat surprise award for "most reaction shots" of the night, which went not to Nicholson but to my girl Laura Linney. They must have showed my girl 30 times last night, including a Laughing Linney, a Dewey-eyed Linney, and a Contemplative Linney - bitch can emote, I tells ya! Unfortunately, the rest of the crowd was not exactly star-filled - no visible Julianne Moore, Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes, Sean Penn (pissed he didn't get enough noms for his "Into the Wild," I gather), etc. "Hollywood's Biggest Night" has turned into a ceremony you go to if you're nominated or presenting, and then "Hollywood's Biggest After Party." Come on, sour grapes stars and starlets who shouldn't need the presenter's gift basket in order to check out the show...bring the glamour back!
As for the awards, the predictable winners were most certainly Daniel Day-Lewis (thank God I don't have to see that freaking vein popping out of his "I ABANDONED MY BOY!" head ever again), Javier Bardem (great speech), and the Coen brothers for Best Director(s), Best Adapted Screenplay, and ultimately Best Picture for "No Country for Old Men."
As for less predictable, I guess I should have seen Marion Cotillard's win for her performance in "La Vie en Rose" coming. The pundits are feigning shock, however she WAS portraying an actual person (French singing legend Edith Piaf), she is, erm, French, so we can feel more cultured about her win, and she won the Golden Globe and BAFTA awards. Plus, her closest competition was Julie Christie, in a role that was pitch-perfect but just too tough for many to watch. I have not seen "La Vie en Rose," but it's going to be hard to convince me that upstart Cotillard was truly better than Julie. I predict we never see her again.
Even less predictable was Tilda Swinton's award for "Michael Clayton." The film was heavily nominated and went home otherwise empty-handed, so perhaps she got the "we have to give it something" award. Either way, I enjoyed her performance, I continue to enjoy her work, and I thought she gave a great speech.
As for my "moment" of the ceremony, there were two this year. I thought the moment was Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova's MUCH deserved win for Best Song from "Once." I just can't say enough about that film...I feel like it's a secret that only I, and a few others who also saw the film, know about. RENT THIS MOVIE, please. Put "Transformers" or, God love ya, "Wild Hogs" down and check this one out. The fact that they picked "Falling Slowly" over some other decent songs (mostly from "Enchanted") ALMOST undoes the horror of Aimee Mann losing to Phil Collins (PHIL COLLINS?!) in this category almost 10 years ago (we Portuguese-Italians know how to hold a grudge, Academy). Great victory.
But an even better moment came quickly afterwards. After Mr. Hansard said his pretty quick thank you's, the ever-obnoxious orchestra played them off before Ms. Irglova could say her piece (um, I know they're trying to save time, but couldn't they have skipped like three of the montages and still let people speak?). Anywho, after a commercial break Jon Stewart brough Marketa back out on stage and gave her time to say her very sweet thank yous and "everyone should have a dream" speech. Well worth it indeed, and quite classy. Now if only Stewart didn't have to ruin his triumph immediately afterwards by telling us how great her speech that he allowed her to make was...
Not much else to say about the awards, really. SO...
The Fashion
The consensus is in...last night was kind of a yawner in the fashion department. Overall, approximately 80% of the ladies were in red or black. Boring. There were a couple of preg-o purples, a green or two, one scaly mermaid, and one all out disaster. Ooh, and this year I am throwing one of the guys onto the "official" worst dressed list. Let's dish.
The Good
I gotta say it....it's really tough for me to pick a Best Dressed this year. Though there were many dresses I liked, there just weren't two or three dresses that all out wowed me. Seems to me that the most talked about "thumbs up" so far has been the chatter on Katherine Heigl's throwback red dress. I don't know....she's a pretty lady who looked predictably pretty. Not overly impressed, but she looked good. (Click on the links below each comment for a view of the outfits - and make sure to click the "Back" button on your browser after viewing the picture to be brought back here)
So that's what they say..what about me? One surprise for me (though she definitely played the role of arm candy at best last night) was Calista Flockhart's soft blue gown. Maybe it's my growing obsession with "Brothers and Sisters" talking to me more than the dress, but I thought she looked great. Well, at least the dress looked great. Her hair is a little out there, but I'll forgive her for now.
Probably the second best dressed of the evening, as I am forcing myself to pick, would be Felicity Keri Russell. I thought she was WAY too slender (especially for someone who popped out a kid in the past year), but the fit, the color, the hair, the bling, it all just worked for me. Plus, I really enjoyed "Waitress" so I'll throw her a bone.
So, who gets best dressed? I flirted with naming Heidi Klum, but she's not even an actress. So while she looked great, I just can't do it. Instead, I am totally shocking myself and going with Hilary Swank. I mean, she actually looked like she had a vagina last night, which in itself is newsworthy! Add great hair, a perfect dress, and Gary Busey's teeth, and she looked fab. Maybe I'm just scared she's going to beat me up...
Looks like you CAN take the girl out of the trailer park....
The Bad
You know, the more I gleaned through the photos, the worse some of these dresses got. Still, only a couple of them were all out horrors - no swan dresses, tutus, or Diane Keaton this year leaves me with only a few choice dresses that made me barf in my mouth a little.
Probably the dress causing the most indecision is Marion Cotillard's white "mermaid" dress, with a number of critics applauding her for taking a risk in a rather unrisky year. I thought it looked good up top but was just WAY too much on the bottom. Kind of like a mullet of a dress, fish double entendre unintended. The dress photographs ok, but watching her move on the red carpet made me just hate it.
Throw that dress back in the water!
Another fashion risk taker is newly minted Best Supporting Actress Tilda Swinton. Her black, sack of a dress reminded me of Terence Stamp's General Zod wear in Superman II. Yeah - anytime you are a lady being compared to Terence Stamp you've got issues. I know I'll get crap for this, but I do love her flame of red hair - it's her thing, and only she can pull it off. She could really take it to the next level (tasteful?) if she could learn to complement the hair with a dress that was avant garde yet beautiful...think virtually anything that Cate Blanchett pulls off.
Oh - and just because I am feeling rather naughty, click here for the even more horrendous dress she wore to the BAFTA's. To add insult to injury (and my misery), she was not only seen in public in this disgusting dress, but she was in this disgusting dress next to Cuba Gooding Jr. Eew.
Worst throwback outfit goes to Cameron Diaz, who really needs to start reading this blog. Cam - you are an amazing looking woman, with an awesome body. Why do you do this to yourself year after year? What's up with your consistent refusal to comb your mane before coming to these shows? Add a dress that looked like something from a Miami Vice extra, and she is 3rd worst dress this year.
Like the curtains in a cheap Ft. Lauderdale Motel
On to 2nd worst dressed, and we have a tie. Luckily, they are married. No, I'm not going with Daniel Day-Lewis and Rebecca Miller. Even though I probably should call him out for his nasty tux, I am sick of talking about him. Nope, to me the worst dress twosome was John Travolta and Kelly Preston. Preston's marigold dress probably looked great on the hanger, but it was too tight on her, looked awful on her skin, and popped in all the wrong ways on the red carpet. As for Travolta, his tux was fine but he lands on the list because of his hair. Seriously....what....was...that on top of his head?! He's gone from the long-haired summer plugs to some sort of snap on plastic piece. It was ridunk.
Colonel Mustard, on the red carpet, with the hair plugs
Let's end, however with the dress that is causing the most derision this year. Yes, I know that Rebecca Miller (wife of Daniel Day-Lewis, daughter of Arthur Miller) is not an actress. She is a screenwriter, so I'm sticking with her as Worst Dressed any way. Let's start down south and work our way up on this one. The shoes are zebra-striped, which only looks good on zebras (and even then, the stripes only look ok at best...I mean, it's a bit much even on them, don't you think?). Moving up, the bottom 3/4 of the dress would look beautiful - as wallpaper on an accent wall somewhere in a New England parlor room. The top is, I believe, made out of velvet (VELVET!) and festooned with a huge plastic-y looking gem that would give Luigi 10,000 points on the latest Super Mario Bros. game. Finally, the nastiness is held up by bright red ribbons that match, well, nothing, and you have yourself the perfect recipe for red carpet nightmares.
And that's all he wrote on this one. Thanks for sticking with me, and I will definitely be keeping this blog up to date. Looking forward to hearing from all of you...come on up to NYC for a visit soon!
